The Good Daughter Syndrome: Awaken from it. Break Free of it. Heal from it. (Paperback)
Is your mother narcissistic, borderline, or just plain difficult?
Are you empathetic, sensitive, and kind?
Do you feel stuck in your relationship with Mom- trying to please her but never feeling good enough? Do you feel responsible for Mom's emotional well-being? Do you struggle to set boundaries without feeling guilty or get so much pushback you end up feeling like ...it's just not worth it?
If so, chances are you have fallen into one or all of the hidden psychological traps that constitute The Good Daughter Syndrome.
You see, many self-aware daughters of narcissistic, borderline, or just plain difficult mothers know they need to stand up to their mothers and set healthy boundaries. Yet, they can't bring themselves to do it, and they don't know why. Or, they get so much pushback that they feel like it's just not worth it.
They are caught in unconscious traps they can't see or fully understand.
Trapped by their difficult mother's needs, the empathetic daughter can't see a way to break free and still feel like a good person.
She can't see these traps that keep her parallelized with guilt... or going round and round having the same arguments and getting nowhere with Mom, but I can.
Even better, I know how to escape them.
After helping hundreds of "Good" daughters break free as a psychotherapist, I have discovered four unconscious traps that cause attuned daughters to put their mother's needs ahead of their own.
1) The Never Good Enough Trap keeps her chasing her mother's approval, although it never comes.
2) The Guilt Trap keeps her feeling responsible for her mother's happiness, unable to say "No" or stand up for herself.
3) The Self-doubt Trap chains her to an internalized critical mother voice and steals her confidence.
4) The Mixed Message Trap causes her to accept her mother's shaming messages and tell herself it is "for your own good."
I expose the unconscious agreements (made in childhood) and accompanying false core beliefs that give each trap its staying power. Then, using the newest advances in attachment research, trauma-informed practices, and neurobiology, I help daughters trapped in the Good Daughter role escape and break the cycle of intergenerational wounding so that they can-
- Stand up to Mom with confidence.
- Stop feeling responsible for their mother's happiness.
- Set healthy boundaries that stick.
- Banish the negative internalized mother and conquer self-doubt.
- Say "no" to Mom without letting guilt stop them.
Following my step-by-step system, you can escape this destructive dynamic, finally feel good enough, stand up to your mother without guilt, and replace self-doubt with self-trust and shame with self-acceptance.
Then, whether or not your mother ever changes, you can break free of this disempowering dynamic and claim a life that is truly your own.